A moment’s pleasure may cause a lifetime of displeasure!

Divorces are as common as the common cold and extra marital affairs are as abundant as potatoes in the vegetable market, which sells throughout the year. Spouses going awry with families and affair with some other people are predominantly the reason for divorces and hiccups in relationships. Whoever is the culprit between spouses doesn't matter if their kid’s future is at stake. There are other higher and important things to take care than settling their differences. Despite this obvious fact, the separation is only increasing. Here in my school, a staggering number of my students belong to divorced and broken families.

I know a couple who are happily married with 2 kids. I knew them since college. They are senior to me. Last year, towards the fall I had some guests at home. Falling short of some beer I rushed to a bar nearby and got hold of some. As I was paying the bill, I saw the husband with a beautiful girl sipping some beer.  The husband on seeing me, put his index finger near his lips and, “Sh…………………………………..” A long one! To which I understood ‘don’t let his wife know about this.’ I knew he was drunk and falling short of words to say as I caught him, this was a huge embarrassment for him, I presumed. I never did say a word of this to his wife and another year passed by.

Beginning this year, I saw the wife in an embarrassingly awkward situation. My old high school friends (Class mates) had arranged a good dinner just to relive the high school days. People have come from far for this get-together session. We agreed over Facebook to meet after 15 years almost. The restaurant where we agreed to meet was a large one. Not all of the tables were reserved. Reaching there, there were others having some fun time and singing loudly in not so pleasing tunes and scale.

There over some beer session, I saw the wife this time in a corner with a young man merrily kissing each other in the shallow lights of the bar. This time the wife didn't see me. I went on with some beer, ate my dinner, took a lot many pictures which I think are not worthy of sharing and hurried home.  

After a month, while shopping for veggies at the Farmers market, I met the couple each holding their kids walking around hunting for veggies. I had my spouse and baby with me. We bumped into each other and shared “Hi, how are you, how’s kids, Wai shay sho wai, Nyam ta nu…all those stuff.”  In this case both of them have no idea what’s in each of their heads. I know what’s in their heads at least for now. I know their lies and affairs will someday impact their kid’s lives.

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I have a relative who is very much into all these extra marital stuff. She now flirts with everyone as if she will die the next moment. I am related to her through my uncle, who is now no more. While he was alive, she used to lie and make reasons here and there and is never home. She must have been in this business a long time because back then we were kids. After my uncle passed away, she never wasted her time with her kids. She enjoyed her time escorting people and every time we see each other, her partner would be a different looking man. My aunt didn't make herself available for her kids. Her daughter later married and succumbed to her mother’s habits. She is also a divorcee. We sometimes meet incidentally.

I can only conclude that not everyone shares the same feelings and emotions although we are all the same and interestingly I can further reassure that a moment of pleasure may cause a lifetime of displeasure. 

Tenzin! Gaaghi - Who did this to you?

The Art that made Tenzin cry

The flower exhibition at the palace ground in Paro was unlike anything else in its scale. It took me hours to finish seeing all that was being exhibited. I took my Tenzin to see all that was exhibited and restless as she is, lost interest and started walking on her own. I followed her to whichever direction she walked to. Finally we arrived at this beautiful art where vegetables and some fruits were displayed. She instantly recognized the cucumbers. What next?

A moment before she cried!

She pointed at those cucumbers and started nagging me on getting her one. Had there not been the person explaining this beautiful art I would have silently grabbed one and given to her. In the midst of hundreds of people, how could I meet her demand? She started crying so loud only to make me red-ashamed. I picked her up and childishly said “Gaaghi” several times. A moment later she forgot what she had done.

On one of my visits to the municipal office to pay some utility bills, a little boy in his 2^nd year or so was crying so loud pointing at a tricycle near the shop and imagine the plight of the father who was red like me and was requesting the shop owner on paying the cost later in the evening. I am sure his cash at hand wasn’t enough. He had to finally buy the cycle and I could see a smile on the little boys’ watery face.

Again on a mundane stroll in the town here at Thimphu I was stopped to get a large pink ball that caught her eye displayed near a Pan shop. I had to get her the ball or else, face the consequence of being red-ashamed again.

At home when my little one does something not acceptable, mommy scolds her and pats her back. To this she cries out loud and looks for me. Until she finds me, this crying continues. After a while when her genuine cry in pain is gone and to make me feel cared for her, she deliberately cries out loud, sometimes making me laugh my heads off. Kids these days…I have to pick her up and say, “Gaaghi” several times to make her stop.

Once a day at least, this ‘Gaaghi’ sound for consoling my Tenzin echoes at home and during weekends the count multiples. A kid’s job is to push boundaries and I can never say where this boundary ends and begins and for my little one, I have read this somewhere but couldn’t put it exactly that way I read it. It goes something like, ‘A father will always give in to his daughters demands because the daughter knows there is at least one man who will never hurt her’. 

Being at ease is better than being right…

I wonder if you readers would consider whether or not if this might qualify to be a blog post but here it is, I have penned down on something that crossed my mind recently.  I know the Nitty-Gritty hassles of everyday life is not worth a mention in writing but I couldn’t help penning it down because the thought ate up two nights of my time. For none and less readers, I might be considered a fool but for those enthusiasts who prefer writing and reading, this is just an anecdote to keep the practice alive and kicking. So happy reading!

This update is on my frustration on borrowing things when I didn’t hesitate to lend mine. Being selfish is the attitude of people when it comes to their belongings. You borrow or lend because you know the person firstly. Second, if there wasn’t some trust why give your things. This incident inspired me to post a Face book update in not so pleasing lines.

Forgetting mine at home, I borrowed a charger to be used for an hour or so. I had my cell phone down. Later, I was asked to bring back the same to which I agreed. I was in another room. The owner came twice asking for it. Grumbling, of course! I had to call someone to bring it for me and handed over to its rightful owner. Imagine the agonizing plight if I had borrowed some other things, especially cash.

All the good that we shared up until now is smacked by just a small speck of indecency and insecurity.  Being colleagues in the same office, one has to tolerate the other, however bad and nauseating it might be. Distances can be maintained and I am amazed at how people in the same office refrain from each other for years. Perhaps I should seek some mantra from them to keep the person who hurt me at bay. Let’s see if Oscar Wilde is correct, “Familiarity breeds contempt”.

I was asked by another one, “What happened to you? You look angry and disturbed”. I humbly replied saying people value their things and I sensed insecurity in them when I used their things. She smilingly remarked, “Shit Happens”.  

The very person I am referring to acts as if independent and I know this independence will someday shatter and when help is the only remedy available, how I wish it to be denied.  I want her to feel how I felt for her. Whatever sins I accumulate for mentioning or keeping this in my mind, I will accept it and for her doing on me, there must be a harsher sin mentioned in the books of Lord of Death. I wish to live to see this judgment.

Help must be sought and if you seek help from the wrong people, you will end up being upset. I would have retaliated on the very spot but; this act will only make me like her. I am a better human being than her. I stand at a higher plinth than her and I am now a better human than yesterday. I am being selective in my battles with the wrong doers because at times being at ease is better than being right.